So I went through a nervous breakdown, I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just thought that was very low, sad and suicidal which I had been before but this was different. I didn’t want to be in my mother’s house but I had no way out. Work had dried up and the little money that I was earning was going towards my weed habit. I was smoking A LOT!!! I would wake up, go for a walk in the morning and smoke weed, I would then smoke outside in my mother’s house. I would then go for a walk in the evening and smoke some more. Usually when I was returning to my mother’s house is when I would be crying involuntarily. The tears would just stream down my face. I would be walking along the road trying not trying cry because of the embarrassment of others seeing me. There were no boundaries in my family and I was talking to no one. They were just two-faced, bossy individuals who had a lot of opinions on everything and spoke like they were in authority about everything. They were all narcissists. Then one day I sat on that very same single bed that I had sat on for years and that suicidal wave came over me again. The one where your only thought is that suicide is the only way out for you. The only way to find some peace. Then I had a wave of hell no come over me pull yourself together. My angels had saved me again! I didn’t know my family could see what I was going through at the time, but years later when it all come to light and I was speaking to my little sister again she informed me that she had been told by my mother that I was going through a breakdown. I got really angry and cried because I didn’t know that they could see what I was going through. Why hadn’t anyone come to me to see if I was alright???? Silly me, it was all a part of the master plan.
And then it all came to light…
I would always talk to my brother about work and all other manner of things. I was at the point where I was talking to no one else but him and my mother. One weekend when he came to visit, I can remember talking to him for a good four to five hours on and off that day. As we sat at the dining room table he remarked how one of our sisters had once said that she always got back to that point where she thought, here I am again. As if she were on a never ending cycle and just constantly going around in circles. prior to this conversation, I hadn’t had a decent amount of work in for a while and it was time to get back out there, so yet again I started marketing. Me and my brother sat in the living room and I told him everything about a new work opportunity that was evolving (the company, the Directors name, website, what I would ask for – fee wise, where I was up to in negotiations, when I was speaking with them next). I even gave him my pin number to my phone in case it screened out while he was looking at the website. Later that evening we spoke again in the dining room again. As we talked he started his usual drivel about our ancestry (I say this because him being the narcissist that he was would talk like he was all powerful given what our heritage apparently was). I remember saying at one point that things came to me through my dreams, boy did I regret that later on as they wouldn’t stop coming into my dreams to try to kill me/trap me. Anyway, as he spoke he started to tell me things that he aspired to do, and how he reacted to certain things but as he spoke I knew that he had somehow found out things about me that he was now telling me. Again, one of these times when you know what you know but have no way to prove it. I must also mention that another time when we had had one of our marathon conversations he told me that he thought that there were people in our family that practiced black magic. At the time I laughed and commented that if there were then the very best of luck to them as that stuff always backfires. It was too coincidental, what he was telling me now, and I know what this man is like. If these things were true, then I would have heard about them a very long time ago and he is that sort of a person. Even stranger as he spoke to me he screwed up a sweet wrapper and put it into a box which was next to me. I knew then that something just wasn’t right!
Later that night my instinct kicked in and I had one of my light bulb moments… It’s him! He’s the one practicing juju. From there, I instinctively knew that my mother was involved but I had no way of proving this. So, when she was in the kitchen I walked by her and said, ‘I know what you have been up to, and you’re screwed!’ (Of course I used worse profanity, but on this occasion it was to see what her reaction was). She literally froze as she was cleaning the cooker, like a deer in headlights, and I knew then that I was right. Wow! Then I had a lightbulb moment again, a realisation that what was happening in the dark was finally come to light.
At that point of course I didn’t know that that they were all involved. Well, that is aside from my youngest sister and nephew. Or so I thought at the time.